It is a conspiracy divinely arranged and with divine intent.

God lures us into marriage through love and sex and loneliness, or simply the fact that someone finally paid attention – all those reasons that you got married in the first place.  It doesn’t really matter, he’ll do whatever it takes.  He lures us into marriage and then he uses it to transform us.

-John Eldredge

HA, HA, HA!  Real funny God!

When I first read this I was laughing out loud while on the way to our small group.  I was reading it to Heather because we are studying John Eldredge’s new book, Love and War.

It’s a great snapshot of how a part of God’s plan to sanctify us (sanctification is the ongoing act of making us more like His son – that is, every day He continually makes us new, saving us) is to lure us into the closest relationship we will ever have with a person.  Through this relationship we begin to learn how broken we are.

Yes, we are broken….

Because of this we always look at the other person in the relationship and say things like, “If they would only change…” or “If they would just do….”‘  Sound familiar?

The best thing that can happen in any relationship is for each individual to realize they, that means them personally, don’t work right.  You love to have things your way and subconsciously you desire the other person to change to suit your needs.  When we project this on our spouse we are in for some real rough times.

Two things here that I am going to share with you and if you realize this now you can have the relationship you want.  Seriously, I have seen it work!

  1. Stop trying to fix the other person. First, you can’t. Secondly, that’s God’s job.   Thirdly, you are responsible to work on yourself.  Repeat, you need to work on yourself.  Your relationship will improve the more you press into God and allow the gospel of Jesus to change your life. Develop your relationship with God and your marriage will improve.
  2. You have to want to do it for yourself. You will never change for someone else.  You do not possess that kind of love yet.  Work from the strength of the fact of you love yourself.  It is the same for people who suffer from addictions.   People never quit anything for someone else.  It has to be because you want it.  In terms of your marriage, you have to want things like wanting to grow old with your spouse, being financially secure, and seeing your children have stability in a crazy world.  Envision what your future would be like and understand that divorce is an easy way out but it is also ten steps backwards….

There is a lot more that I could write on this.  I feel a sermon series coming on. :)

What do you think?  Does the fact that God uses our marriage relationships as a conspiracy to transform us make you view your spouse differently?