Looking back at last week (heck it might have been two weeks a go, it’s been that busy) we talked about creating coachable moments.  Bad thing is that I never got to say what does that look like. Sorry about that but to recap, coaching is motivation and improvement.  It is not about tearing down.

One of the traps that we as leaders fall into is that we think feedback is usually negative or I should say ‘corrective’ in nature.  I know we all think we can do things better but the key is in delivery.  What’s that look like for you?  You see I really do think for most things I can critique people to be better.  According to StrengthFinders 2.0 3 of my top 5 strengths are Strategic, Maximizer, and Arranger.  I was made to help people get better at what they do.  Now the thing is how do I do this without seeming like a ‘know it all’?

By the way, to be a great coach you don’t necessarily have to be better at something you just have to know  what to look for.  Take for example this guy.

Meet Nick Bolletierri.  He was Andre Agassi’s first major coach and by no means could he play better then Agassi but he knew how to coach him.  So how do you do that?

I am not really sure.  I have never coached a world class athlete.  But I have gotten the chance to speak to and share with influential people.  Here’s what comes to my mind.

  1. You have to be more concerned about the individual being successful than you looking good.  It’s about what they are accomplishing as the player not what you’re doing as the coach.  Good coaches like the thrill of winning (so do I) but great coaches like to see players develop.  Of course in things like sports you have to LOVE both or you get fired.
  2. You have to practice the art of Positive Reinforcement which means to change behavior by using positives and not negatives.  You should be giving 9 positive comments for every 1 negative one.  Want to see behavior change?  People like to here positive comments and you will make them want more if you practice it.  You a parent?  Try it with your kids and see what happens.
  3. Ask permission to coach.  As in, ask them if they would mind a comment.  Then give them a few positives and save the negatives for later.  They will want your feedback then and when it is time for the negative they are more apt to listen.
  4. Listen to the critiquing of themsel.  Most people have poor self image.  Part of your job as a coach is to get people to believe that they can accomplish things.  If they are a Christian this is not false self esteem but the power of the Holy Spirit that makes all things possible.
  5. Only begin to push after you have developed influence in their lives. No one is going to listen to you much if they think you don’t care about them.  By the way that makes #1 a whole lot easier.
  6. Make sure you celebrate their successes and empathize with the losses.  If you care about them you will genuinely love it when they win and you will hate it for them when they screw up.  Sometimes when their self-worth gets shaky the thought of you caring about them goes a long way.
  7. If you happen to be their leader as well make sure you put them in the game so you can see how they do.  If you spend too much time prepping your people they will lose momentum.  People want to get in the game so give them opportunities.

Lastly if you are a leader the best way to coach is to use the standard model for Discipling.  I am going to share the format now but we will talk about it at another time.

  • I do, you watch
  • I do, you help
  • We do together
  • You do, I help
  • You do, I applaud

When discipling our people they need you to coach them.  They need that calm reassuring voice that believes in them.  They need to know that mediocrity is not acceptable because God expects our best.  They need the relationship to be there as well because they need the evidence of a caring God in their lives. They need to be coached because that’s what’s going to make the church better.

If you are a leader start coaching with grace and strength.  It takes a strong person not to let your desires get in the way.  Those you disciple can be what God has called them to be if you will coach them to win the game they were called to play.

Enjoy the process…