Know when to shut up. – As an ex-teacher I know that there is always the potential for a group leader to go rambling off on something they have learned or experienced.  I still lead groups and it is always a constant struggle for me to shut up and practice listening.  If we practice more listening and less talking we will find the common beliefs within the group and possibly help someone.  I’m not saying don’t share, just be conscious that group growth comes from group talk not leader talk.

Here’s what I mean.

• When you are introducing a lesson that’s your time to set up the conversation for the day.  Get what you need to say out of the way.  Then, sit back and listen.
• Practice asking open ended questions.  That means questions that produce conversation; “What do you think about that?”  “When has this happened to you before?”  “Where do you see this happening in your life?” etc.  We need to ‘see’ the thought processes.
• Notice how others react.  Did you see someone smile?  Was Betty Lou raising an eyebrow? Why does John keep checking his watch every time his wife talks?  This is another great way to get others involved in discussion.  Ask them what those actions mean.  Just be prepared for this is when it usually starts to get interesting.

At the end of a good group time most of the people should have felt like they contributed to the time.  As a leader it is our job to be the facilitator of these moments of biblical community.  People will grow closer to each other, which is what we want, when they get the opportunity to talk to each other in sincere ways.

Warning though…  This is does lead to confrontation sometimes.  That’s ok.  Confrontation is what causes us to doubt what we have always believed.  This opens us up to new ways of looking at sin in our lives.

This does not happen when we teach all the time.  Our verbal diarrhea let’s people hide behind their mask of quietness.

Practicing the art of knowing when to speak and knowing when to shut up takes time.  It can be frustrating (especially for us know it all people) but like any skill you will get better with time.

By the way.  If you need an outlet for teaching/talking try blogging.  Why do you think I am writing this?

Ok so I got a little time, so here are my thoughts on this past week before I take a break.

• In dealing with our home builder we have had to use the discipline of pestering nicely in stead of yelling angrily.  Just like you find everywhere else in the world there are some things worth fighting for like getting things done right on the house. Heather and I find the practice of pestering vs expressing anger works a lot better.  Check it out here for a biblical perspective Proverbs 15:1-5.  I will write about this specifically later next week.
• Sometimes I have avoided what I considered to be ‘hot topics’ with my wife.  Like disciplining kids, budgeting, management of the home.  What I have noticed lately is that Heather and I have been developing a closer relationship as we actually talk about it more.  We find out we are both on the same page and we discuss outcomes and wants instead of pointing fingers at each other.
• Still working through how to use pastoral influence instead of pastoral authority.  It’s a lot like counseling.  As a pastor we need to reserve the right for telling people what they ‘should’ do and try to get people to ‘see why’ they should be doing something.  We need to save the authority card for when we need it.
• For the past few weeks the staff has been working late about 1 night a week.  I am seeing this really cool thing happen.  As we get bogged down in the desk work of the day the evenings are coming alive with special projects.  What makes it fun is that we are engaging with our volunteers and attendees during these times.  I think I am going to be pushing for two office days and work two nights    Just so we can hang with our folks.
• I talked about Baptism with a few people who are getting baptized this weekend.  Great stories from all walks of life.  From people suffering job loss, pregnant moms, kids, and prodigal sons.  Just more testimony that Jesus is for everyone and He is definitely moving in our midst here at Oak Leaf.  By the way if you want to get baptized we do it at the end of every month so let me know if you want to get dunked and we’ll talk.

Alright I am about to go wrestle with the boy for a while but if you need some help in discovering what God has called you to do at Oak Leaf let me know. Now go and make sure to rest and reflect on what God is doing in your life.

This view on leadership and the church comes from an ongoing synopsis from the observations of Band of Brothers.

Next topic about the church and how it should be like today:

• Talk about open communication!  When your life depends on the other person you don’t hold anything back.

This point is similar but different to what we covered about being open with individuals and sharing your secrets.  This is more about how to communicate and what could be the possibilities if we took the time to listen before speaking.

Not to beat a dead horse but here are the differences and why good communication is worth it:

• They (the soldiers) knew to shut up when someone was talking so they could here the whole message.
• They also gave direct eye contact so they could see the guys emotional responses to what the other person was saying.
• Usually they started their answer by acknowledging somehow, “This is what I heard you say.” (Usually with colorful language )
• When they were sure they understood the bottom line then they decided to act on it.

What’s this look like for churches:

• Staff that understands how each other feels and what is important to the other person.
• Staff that feels that they are supported and that their contributions count.
• Bad eggs are weeded out because individual agendas are discovered and exposed.
• It allows for the clarification of vision and why you are doing something.
• Everybody knows how to speak for their team mates because they have a grasp of what the other is trying to accomplish.

I have been in situations where communication is non existent.  People believe that communication is getting louder and voicing your opinion more aggressively.  When this happens you lose moral and the respect of others.  Then your best leaders will leave.

Forget about good, average communication is hard to achieve but it is well worth it.

Those of you that have experienced the two different types of workplaces know what I am talking about.  Challenge to you is if you are in a place with bad communication how are you going to make it better?